Sunday Blues - May 1, 2016

There's something to be said about the psyche of a person that has been emotionally abused. Invisible wounds are hardest to recover from, it ever at all. When someone who is supposed to be your protector shatters your faith and trust in others early in life, your relationship becomes enmeshed and it's a tough cord to cut. One day the brash words that for years have swung at the metaphorical wall will make it all come crumbling down. Sometimes it isn't that cut and dry. There's the emotional tug of war the sadist likes to play. They'll build you up and tear you down like clockwork. You want their approval, you want anyone and everyone's approval. Then it happens, the obsessive need to be perfect and loved; it manifests itself. You work harder, faster, smarter. You throw yourself over the deep-end, and fully immerse yourself in your work and other aspects of your life. Maybe you don't get the recognition you want right away, or maybe you do. But it's never enough and you're off to bigger and better more innovative projects and seeking more illustrious accolades.

One day the heartbreaking reality will set in; you'll be left with a meaningless degree, with a soul-sucking career, and you will realise that no matter what you do it'll never satisfy them. Your empty accomplishments won't mean anything to anyone else but yourself. Except you didn't do this for yourself, you did it for them. You've pushed yourself to tears, over the edge and over exhaustion. You didn't meet what they call "success" because of them, you did it in spite of them.

...And hopefully, when you come to this consciousness you will leave that tattered soul behind, and open the door for the true you to be reborn.

Untitled - January 31, 2016

It's no easy feat coming face to face with your inner demons. Once they come out to play it's terribly hard to send them away. At first, you deny it and try to turn a blind eye... And it might work for a while, or it might not. Soon that gut churning feeling starts to creep over you and everything turns to grey. 

You try to play it off around outsiders. It's not quite daunting in the beginning to crack a smile or make small talk. However, with each day it proves to be a much harder task. Behind closed doors, you're stripped and raw.

You lie awake until the early hours of the morning paralyzed in your thoughts. You yearn for your old self, your old life - what little remnants you remember. How did it get to this, what happened? Surely it's more than a mere chemical imbalance. Your mind races until you've exhausted your last ounce of energy and you drift asleep. It's the sweetest peace you've felt in a while.

Post Labor Day Post - My Week In Review

I hope everyone enjoyed their summer. I spent the majority of summer working and researching  career paths as well as colleges in close proximity to Philadelphia to transfer to. Labor Day weekend has since passed and most if not all the little kiddies are back in school. I have another week and half to go before E is back in pre-school. I honestly can't express how grateful I am for the new change in my schedule allowing me more time at home. My days have been mundane at best. Some are spent working, others are spent at home or out running errands. I'm not complaining, I promise. I was told by a co-worker a short time ago that I have "one speed." This is generally true. My mind and my feet are set on "GO!" Towards the end of the summer, I experienced some serious exhaustion that landed me in the hospital. I have since slowed down tremendously. My evenings for the past few weeks have been spent in class. I decided it was in my best interest to pick up a trade, Medical Assisting to be exact. I'm completing this program while I figure out where I will be completing my bachelors degree in psychology at. I have wanted to gain healthcare experience for some time for personal and professional reasons. It was never in the cards for me at least not before. As of right now I am thoroughly enjoying what I've learned so far and looking forward to starting my clinical labs in the next few weeks. Below is just a quick recap of my week. 

Lunch break - original tart and sour apple frozen yogurt with the works.

E. My favorite little helper holding her project we made - Glitter sensory bottle. 

Sprinkles, Sprinkles, and more Sprinkles.

Final product - Mini Caramel (butterscotch) Apples.

Recipe: Easy Mini Pop-Tarts

Alright guys so the week is not quite over yet, but nonetheless it has been a hectic two weeks. More about that to come in another post. I promise it's a good kind of hectic/crazy. 

In other news I've finally mustered up the courage to give this Mini Pop-Tart recipe a try that has been on my mind since I first stumbled upon it on Pinterest. Now, me personally I'm not that much of a baker although I am warming up to it since my most recent success. Anyway onto the recipe; it is super easy and it was a pretty big hit! It does help that they are the cutest little tarts ever. Below I will share my version of the recipe using frozen pre-made pie crust. I hope you guys enjoy! 

Ingredients:
- 1 box frozen pie crust (comes with 2 rolls, this yields 9 mini pop-tarts)
- 1/2 cup fruit preserves (you can also use nutella, fluff, etc.)
- 1/2 squeezed lemon
- 1 egg (to make egg wash)
- cream cheese (I used whip to measure with ease)
- sprinkles
- gel food coloring (2-3 drops)
- 3/4 cup confectioners sugar

Supplies:
-fork
-parchment paper/non stick baking sheet



Directions:

1. Pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees.

2. Unroll the pie crust onto a clean, dry surface. At this point I inspected my pie crust which did have some cracks so I decided to cut away those cracks and to make things event I cut the crust into a square shape.

3. Evenly cut your crust into 4 long strips. Again cutting those into smaller rectangles. Keep in mind you'll need two small rectangles to make (1) pop-tart.

4. Crack your egg into a small bowl, whisk it. Using a brush, dip it into the egg wash and brush the surface of rectangle.

5. Next, put a small dollop of your filling onto the crust. Try not to put too much as you still need to be able to close the edges. Apply the egg wash to the other piece of crust and set on top. Using your finger tips press down along the edge of your newly formed pop-tart.

6. Taking a fork you want to press down along the edges like you would with raviolli to give your minis that signature pop-tart look.

7. Once you've finished putting together all your mini pop-tarts set them on either a non-stick baking sheet or one lined with parchment paper.

8. Put in the oven for 15 minutes, let cool.

9. In a bowl; mix 1 tablespoon cream cheese, 3/4 cup confectioners sugar, the juice from half a lemon. Add 2-3 drops of gel food coloring if desired. Apply frosting to pop-tarts

10. Add sprinkles, Enjoy!!